I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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