barbara walters just said penis...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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