SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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