It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
