Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You are the jesus of drinking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
