Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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