Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
