its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
