It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
