Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
