I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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