I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
