I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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