Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
