nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
