dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
