all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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