Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
