I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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