Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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