Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
