I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
