smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize