Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
