I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize