Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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