my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
