Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize