My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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