And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
