Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
