Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
