I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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