Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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