the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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