What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
