I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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