Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
