I think scott just propositioned me for sex
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
