At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
