I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
