That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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