I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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