before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
