After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
