I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
