i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
