did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
