...so i touched it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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