i already hear my dad disowning me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
