Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
