i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
