ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What a dumb baby whore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
