the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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