Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
