Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize