Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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