Do you still have your period?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
