i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
