You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
