There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
