you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
