Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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