Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
