I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
