That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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