How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
