he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
