Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
