You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
