its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
