Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
