hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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