I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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