a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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