We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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