hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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