so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
