new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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